Well, there's like less than 2 months of school left. I guess this is really it.
I'm really starting to panic, because leaving high school is something that I'm scared of (in case you can't already tell because I literally talk about how scared and sad I am about this every fucking day now). In the beginning of the year, I told myself to enjoy this school year, and actually make the best of my last year of high school. I'm not so sure if I have really done that and now I'm beginning to fill up with regrets and unhappiness at the fact that I didn't spend the "best years of my life" (is that what adults call the teenage years???" actually living. If that makes sense.
"You are afraid to die, and you're afraid to live. What a way to exist." — Neale Donald Walsch.
I think that quote really does fit me. Really. But I heard that I should spend the rest of my high school months left now enjoying them, rather than being scared that it's ending. I don't know if I can do that. I know some people are actually really excited to leave high school and enter the "real world". I don't think I can embrace it that way. All the responsibility and etc of being an adult is just something I am not looking forward to.
Plus, university seems like such a scary place. Here in high school, I like knowing like nearly everyone. I like seeing the same faces everyday in one building. I like meeting up with people at our lockers, eating at the caf knowing that everyone has a place in the caf (like Mean Girls hahahah), and having classes with the same people for the past 5 years. I guess I just like the familiar atmosphere.
Anyway, so far for universities I've gotten accepted into SFU Science and UBC Arts. Arts for UBC was my second choice though. My first choice was Science but they said that they'll reconsider my application mid-May. So I guess that means that I was close but not good enough and I'm in a way on the wait list??? This is kind of sad. I was really hoping to get into Science. But there's still hope!!
I really need to stop worrying about the future because I think it's making me not enjoy the present. But it's something I just push aside, because the thoughts just always resurface. Whatever.
P.S. when I was in grade 10 my dad said he'd get me my own Macbook if I get into UBC.... now he's saying that he doesn't remember saying that -_-
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