look at me like you care

topshop crop top, brandy melville cardigan and skirt, converse shoes, american apparel backpack

On thursday my friend Tina and I went to Oakridge after school and we had Qoola because we were craving it so badly and it was so hot that day! I don't really have much to write about except for the fact that I still don't know what's going on in chem and math right now.

american apparel top, shorts and backpack, brandy melville cardigan, converse shoes

On friday I went downtown by myself after school since my last class ended at 2 to get my friend her belated birthday present. I've literally been living in this Brandy Melville cardigan because it is just so perfect and soft and cute with everything!! And these shorts that I was wearing were way too big and the entire day I kept pulling my shorts up so afterwards I went to American Apparel and bought a simple black leather belt and all was well. I ended up getting my friend a blouse with a cut-out in the back however the day before I was going to give it to her, I found a foundation stain on it (NOT FROM ME I SWEAR) and ugh now I have to return it and there's probably not gonna be any left in the size so I'm going to have to find another item to get her. F u bitches who dont know how to put on and take off shirts properly without smearing ur face all over it ughhhhhhhhhh

Then during the weekend I didn't do much except work and do homework and study (yay my life is great). I actually don't really mind work because the people there are alright but it's just so time-consuming and tiring.

And today I went to Oakridge again because I had a doctor's appointment. The results came back from my blood work and they called me to come in which means something was wrong with my blood (wow great). Sooo apparently I have increased testosterone levels and a couple other things wrong with my blood but I just can't remember what but to be honest I've done some research and I have a feeling I have PCOS. But anyway so in a couple weeks I have to return and see their endocrinologist and I'm not quite sure what he's going to do. And on wednesday this week I have to do an ultrasound to look at my ovaries or something because my period is fucked up (which is the cause of all this blood test and shit) and I swear while I'm in the waiting room everyone's gonna think I'm some 16 and pregnant girl or something. But anyway yeah. And it's so awkward because work keeps calling me in but I keep telling them I have doctor's appointments because I actually do (I've been seeing the doctor a lot lately actually bc my health is just literally turning into shit) and honestly my workplace probably thinks I'm either lying (even though it's actually legitimate) or I just have a lot of issues (which one of my coworkers has expressed to me already hahaha). But anyway I also went to Murale and I bought the NARS radiant creamy concealer (the coverage is amazing and despite the fact that it's creamy it actually lasts and doesn't smudge even though I tend to wipe my undereyes) and Benefit's Porefessional (my 2nd tube; I like how smooth and velvety it makes my face feel before I apply foundation).

Anyway I really gotta go get started on my homework now because I'm falling behind (it's so easy to fall behind in uni ugh because profs honestly don't give a shit if you do your homework and study and do your pre-reading or not) and yeah. Did I mention the weather sucked today too? No more shorts. The rain is back. Sigh.

the sun is back!!!!!

brandy melville crop top and cardigan, american apparel shorts and backpack, converse shoes

Okay my face is dumb here but this was my outfit from yesterday (sorry about the shit quality, I took this on snapchat lol). I was beginning to get all sad and whatever about the rain returning to Vancouver after a beautiful hot summer (like literally I don't think it rained at all during July........ that's fucking amazing) and then the sun decided to come back!! I mean look at this weather guys

Okay let's just ignore sunday and monday because those are just plain ugly but the rest of this week is gonna be cute and sunny! I'm so happy because honestly if this doesn't make you happy then omg go away. But yeah I was so happy that I didn't even wear black yesterday!! NO BLACK AT ALL (okay except for the stripes on my converse and maybe the stripes on my shirt unless they're navy idk BUT ASIDE FROM THAT) is this very very very rare. This is just a very rare photo. I'm starting to sound like Lil B but ANYWAY here is my outfit from another angle

So yesterday was just pretty lame. I had my first physics lab at 9:30am yesterday and I had to make new friends because my friends and I got separated. First it was a tutorial for an hour and a half and we basically just worked on physics word problems and then for the next hour and a half we went up to a lab and did a simple experiment which was just the speed of a ball dropped from 1 m above the ground and yeah. Pretty lame. Then I had a one and a half hour break and I hung out with my friend Jaiun the whole time and she took me around campus because I haven't really ventured around yet and she showed me stuff like the 'Harry Potter Room' in Irving except imo it didn't really look like a Harry Potter room but I can slightly see it??? Idk. But anyway afterwards my friend and I had chem together so we went and that was possibly the most boring chem class I've ever been in. My eyes just wouldn't stay open and my attention span was literally like 2 min and I felt like I was dying 99% of the time. Then I had math which was pretty boring too but there's this guy who I sit with and we just sit there whispering things to each other like "what the fuck are we doing" and "what is she talking about" and yeah. Basically my tues and thurs are horrible.

Then today I wore this (bad ootd pic I know but whatever)

adidas originals t-shirt, vintage levi shorts, converse shoes, american apparel backpack

Apologies for the shit quality yet again but LOOK another not dark outfit!! This weather is really getting to me hahaha it's great. But yeah today I had a math workshop at 8am and I was so tired and honestly that is way too early to be doing math or anything that requires thinking. But anyway after that I had english and since I had a math workshop first I wasn't late for english for once!! So I actually got a seat instead of having to sit awkwardly on the side. Then I had physics which was actually okay because so far I'm kind of getting the gist of things so it's not too bad. Then I had bio and that was lame. And then I had a chem lab except it was only like 40 min instead of 3 hours because it was just an intro/check-in today. Today has been a long day. I'm too tired to type hahah. And I find that I can easily doze off on the bus now. I used to be really self-conscious about falling asleep in public but now I just drift off like it's nothing. Sighhhhh @ life.

Anyway lately life has been such a bore. Everyday feels the same and it's just kind of sad to me. A few days ago I was feeling pretty low because I was just thinking about how there was nothing for me to look forward to and my life just feels like a chore. Like, even though my birthday is coming up in 2 days this friday I wasn't even excited for that. I was thinking about how I told myself to live rather than exist but now I just felt like I was existing and not really living. I felt empty and life felt kind of pointless because I don't know what to do in the future or what I want to be and it makes me think about whether or not I even have a future. BUT now the sun's out and yesterday Earl Sweatshirt announced his Doris tour and he's coming to Vancouver on Oct 31 and he's gonna be performing at Vogue Theatre!!! That completely turned my mood around and I remembered about how excited I was for the OF concert last year and now I can get that feeling again. Tickets go on sale on my birthday and now I'm really anticipating this!! Ahhhhhhhh I'm just so happy now but I really don't want to get my hopes up because then I get let down every time but I can't help but feel excited now.

ANYWAY I think I should work on my homework and stuff now and yeah. Bye y'all!

we were in love

THIS SONG IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO LISTEN TO IT. Okay wow.

guap

Last night it was my friend Karman's birthday dinner and we ate at Sushi Oyama in Burnaby. The restaurant itself was really cute and from what I heard it is a heritage house. I loved how homey it felt and looked in there though. But anyway the food was all right. I didn't think it was anything super great, but I really did enjoy my time there because I got to catch up with some friends from high school since we now go to different universities and colleges and are in different faculties. Talking to them made me realize how much I miss high school, and on our way home we passed by our high school and it just made me sad. Anyway here is a mirror pic from last night:

brandy melville cardigan, talula jeans, vintage necklace, dolce vita boots, danier leather bag

uni life

Tuesday was my first day at UBC. I never really imagined that that day would come so soon, because to be very honest I had been dreading that day for as long as I can remember. It's not that I don't want to be in the faculty of general sciences (I literally teared up and almost cried when I saw that I got accepted at like 4am one night while I was studying) but it's the fact that I still am not ready to let go of high school and move on. Some people are just so eager to graduate from high school and enter university, and meanwhile the whole idea of starting a new chapter in my life seems dreadful and to be quite honest it scares me. I really do wish I could so easily embrace this change and next step in my academic career but I just can't. My entire mindset is that I never want to grow up and now that I've entered uni, I really need to change that. I can't keep complaining about growing up and maturing because it's inevitable but I'm just not ready for my life to get harder. I don't know. I don't know if I'm ready for the challenge of university.

But anyway moving on from that thought I had, tuesday was my first day as a UBC student!! I began my day bright and early and got to school at around 7:45 as Imagine Day (a huge orientation for first-year students where you get placed in MUG groups with a leader who is an older student) began at 8am. The weather was so depressing. The sky was just completely gray and it was raining. I think that if it was actually sunny then my mood would have been much better. So we were supposed to meet at the field at the Thunderbird Stadium however since it was raining we had to meet at our designated buildings and rooms. My building was so far from my friends', but I managed to find my way (surprisingly). So my group met up at the Hugh Dempster Pavilion building at 8am and yay I found my way and initially I basically just looked at my group and thought to myself like great how the fuck do I make friends. So in the beginning I was like this super awkward anti-social-looking girl and whatever and we met the Dean of Science and he gave us a speech about how if we have doubts of our place here at UBC that we should remind ourselves that we all belong here and ugh tbh I feel like that speech made me doubt my place here even more. But yeah then we walked outside to a huge grassy field (by now the rain had stopped but the field was gross and muddy and wet and mushy) and I got brown stains on my NEW WHITE CONVERSE SHOES *tear* even though I was trying to walk as cautiously as possible. Oh ya I didn't take an ootd pic or anything but basically I wore a black H&M and jeggings, my vintage black chunky cardigan, white converse, and my denim American Apparel backpack. I would've worn all black but they wanted us to wear blue for spirit bc the science department is blue and all the other faculties have different colours and then we all would meet at the pep rally later on but yeah. I decided that jeggings would do. And then we wasted some time and then we began walking to a building to meet a prof. While we were walking, it started raining again and I met a girl in my group named Chrystal. We talked the rest of the time during Imagine Day so yay I made a friend. So then we met a prof whose name I forgot but he talked to us about what it's like to be a prof and whatnot and then another MUG leader in our squad talked to us about what it's like to be a student. Then we went on a tiring campus tour of the buildings that we would most likely have classes in and also buildings like the libraries and student union building and yeah. Then we got lunch which was a soggy gross Subway sub that looked like it had been premade like years ago or something. Then we attended the pep rally which was pretty surreal for me bc it gave me that feeling that was like 'wow I go to UBC now' and I'll post some short vids I took later. After the pep rally me and Chrystal took some quick selfies:

Okay yeah there was a green light so we look like the Hulk but ANYWAY the pep rally was actually pretty cool except for the fact that other people stole our designated seats on the bleachers so we had to join a bunch of the science people who had to stand on the ground. But yeah. We got UBC towels too hahaha.

After that it was the 'Main Event' which was basically a bunch of tents set up along Main Mall and even though I wanted to stay for it, I couldn't because my friend and I had work but first we had to buy some more books so yeah.

So I had work afterwards from 6:15-11:45pm and I was absolutely exhausted from all the walking I did that day and let's just not speak about work anymore right now.

Then on wednesday it was my first day of classes! I was nervous that I wouldn't find friends and I was right hahaha ok in the words of Drake, "no new friends". I'm kidding but yeah classes on mon wed fri are only 50 min long with 10 min to go to your next class so it felt like a collab day for every class which is great. The sad part is that tues thurs classes are 1 hour and 20 min so yeah. But I had eng 112 at 10am and I got there late (oops) but my prof was really nice and didn't mind. It was pretty boring, all we did was go over some sheets she gave us regarding the course and the books that we'll need. Then I had phys 100 at Hebb (they should change the 'b's to 'l's bc that's what it is bc I HATE PHYSICS) but I found a guy I kind of knew from high school so we sat together at a really high shitty seat. Then this stoner looking guy with long blonde hair sat next to us and invited us to join the ski and snowboard club and I declined hahah but anyway, my prof is actually really funny so tbh I don't think physics will be as bad as I thought after all. Then I had a 1 hour break and I met up with my friends and we all had biol 121 together at 1pm. I hate the room I'm in for bio bc all the seats are so close together and uncomfortable. Ugh. And then afterwards I met up with my sister and her friend and we had some Japanese food together and then we bought a few of my textbooks.

And then on thursday my first class was at 2pm and it was really nice to sleep in. I had chem 121 and I came right on time so nearly all the seats were taken so I sat in the back. Chem was okay, but the fact that the class is so long is horrible. But my worst class was at 3:30, which was math 184. First of all, I hate math. And then my prof sucks. Actually idek if I can call her a prof. She's just a grad student and she has a heavy accent (I'm not sure from where but her last name ends with -kova so Russian??? idk) but I didn't understand anything she was talking about nor did the people around me. There was this guy sitting next to me and he kept audibly whispering things like "what the fuck". Hahaha it was pretty bad though. I don't know how I'm gonna survive this semester like this. Oh yeah this is what I wore that day:

brandy melville tee and cardigan, talula jeans, vintage necklace, converse shoes, american apparel backpack

Yesterday was just my mon wed fri classes again. This time my eng 112 class was in the Henry Angus building (the business building) and it's so nice in there like what the fuck. I'm jealous. But on fridays my eng class will always be here and the interior of the building is actually really nice. Then I had phys but this time I found more people from my high school and we all sat together. Then I had my break at 12 and I met up with the same people and then bio and whatever. This is what I wore yesterday (yeah sorry I couldn't get a better pic):

brandy melville tee, calvin klein parka, tna leggings, converse shoes, american apparel backpack

I'm still in summer mode and I don't know what to do!! I just don't feel like doing any pre-reading or any course work or anything. I really need to motivate myself to get off my ass and start working hard in school bc EDUCATION ISN'T FREE ANYMORE lol this is just so depressing. So far I don't like uni. I don't like all this independence and whatever. I prefer high school. The only good thing about uni is all the cute guys walking around eVERYWHERE.

Anyway I'm gonna stop typing now bc I gotta get ready for work. Bye!

wedding yeah

Okay it's been almost a week since my cousin Tracy's wedding so I finally decided to update my blog and post a few pics. I've been so busy lately with school and work but here it is!!

left: h&m dress and necklace, aldo clutch, steve madden heels

right: h&m dress, aldo clutch and wedges

I didn't include the shoes bc I wore them out already and I didn't want to put them on my bed and whatever but here is me wearing the outfits now!!

Tbh I was too lazy to curl my hair so yeah. Haha I didn't take any pics of the wedding itself even though maybe I should've since the wedding ceremony was pretty cute looking. It was at the Cecil Green Park House at UBC and the reception was at a Chinese restaurant near the River Rock Casino in Richmond.

And here's a cute pic of me and my grandma!! ^_^