dead in the head

h&m sweater, bdg jeans, tna parka, american apparel backpack, doc marten boots

I've been feeling so uninspired lately and I've just been dressing really ugly and plain. Ugh. I made a Pinterest where I made a board of outfits that I like and hopefully that will give me some sort of inspiration. Maybe I'm feeling so down right now because I'm broke and I haven't any money to buy more clothes. Tbh though I have a lot of clothes in my closet that I bought but never wore or only wore once or twice and I kind of feel bad for spending my money on them because they were such impulse buys but maybe I will try and incorporate them into my wardrobe or something. But I'm poor and I need more money sighhhh.

Today my English teacher was talking about how we are all born and raised in a capitalist society and he talked about how we live in a world where everyone's priority is to make as much money as possible.

He also complimented me on my Doc Martens.

born to die

forever 21 denim shirt, tna leggings, tna parka, doc marten boots, vintage necklace

So today was actually kind of cold. Like, I think it was almost zero in the morning. But anyway, today was stressful af for me. I had a math test and a bio test and ughhhh. I'm so glad it's over now though. I think it did okay on both of them. I mean, I even skipped PE during first block to study (which I never do I swear ^_^). But yeah. I'm too tired to type more so that's about it for today.

OH AND LOOK I finally got a case haha it's just a British flag one that was on sale at Future Shop and I needed a new case and it came with a screen protector too so yeahhhhhh.

ARTONA, GRADUATION PHOTOS

So today I finally got to see my individual grad photos online and um yeah they didn't exactly turn out so hot. Hahah. I'll post the ones that I find decent/mildly nice and the rest I will pretend do not exist okay so here we go:

I LOVE MY SOFA PICTURE OMFG HAHAHAH idk why I just love it!

I will order a bunch of wallet size prints of my sofa picture and give it to everyone xo hehehe...

Okay I'm kidding but still! I REALLY LOVE IT and I don't care if y'all don't like it or not because I love it omg why am I being so weird and obsessive over a photo of myself rn but honestly I look nice in it ^_^

Oh and there's the photo I think I will pick for my grad composite or yearbook thing or whatever

OKAY HERE IS MY OTHER FAVOURITE PHOTO OF MYSELF OMFG. The library room one on the left!!! ASfkdfjdklgdg I am being so weird righ now but I really like it heheheh and that one will be ordered in wallet size prints and I will give it to everyone mwahhhhhh!

And there's the other yearbook one I was thinking about but I think I like the other one better.

Me holding the 2013 thing but you can't really see the 2013 but I'm sure you'll be able to see it in the actual hardcopy prints when I order them... well, at least I hope you can see it hahaha

Me awkwardly hugging the heart thing as the photographer said "Hug it closer to yourself!" and me looking kind of dead with the scroll

Friendship photo! She's Christina and we've been friends since we were 3 hehehe, I should totally post this picture I have of us together back in preschool when we went to the farm ahhhhhh

Omg I don't know whether or not I like the left photo because the photographer told me to pose like that on the stool (you can't really see the stool here though...) and I was like um okay and I did it and I guess I don't look as awkward as I thought I would but yeah.

And I don't really like that photo of me to the right, I mean it's decent but look at my Madonna arm

And das me posing (wow I just realized how white the white room looks in photography because tbh the white room didn't look very white in real life... it kind of looked like an off-white weird cement ice cave if that makes any sense at all) and the above shot thing where I was like thinking "omg I'm gonna look like a midget" but I suppose it didn't turn out that badly hehe

Okay yeah in case you haven't noticed almost all the photos I uploaded here are of my left side of my face toward the camera and that is because all the ones on the right side of my face look like shit. Ugh. Like, my right eye is kind of smaller and so all of those photos look like I'm doing a very bad and unconvincing 'smize' or I look like a creepy person squinting or something ugh. And also pictures of the right side of my face makes my face look fat af and ugh and I don't even want to think about those photos anymore because they're just so horrible.

But the thing is, all the photos I have with the cap are of the right side of my face which is so depressing because I actually want a copy of me with the cap but all of them are fucking hideous. I feel like I should get a retake of my library room photos (since you get one free retake session I think) but the thing is I don't want to get my hair and makeup done again (I have no $$$ and I don't want to beg my parents to pay for me because I feel bad enough from everything they paid for already which is practically everything). So I'm thinking of doing it all myself but I am horrible at that shit so I'm in this sad position. Well, I still have some time to think about this so yeah.

OH and also here are the group photos!

I think this is the one we picked.. I can't be sure actually hahah they all looked the same tbh

I really like how I look here (despite the fact that I forgot to suck in my stomach...) but we decided that this photo looked too awkward (in terms of the spacing and how positioning of everyone) and kind of unprofessional because it just looks so.. bad.. as a whole :'(

Mocking our coach's face hehehe

And here's another group photo I was in (taken from someone's fb hehe):

If I get the copies of the other group photo I was in, I'll post it but this is it for now!

it was in love i was created and in love is how i hope i die

gap v-neck shirt, silence+noise jeggings, tna parka, nine west boots

Today's lame outfit in weird angles. Well, at least it's Friday today. I had a French unit test and oral today and it went okay but to be honest I could have done much better so yeah. Also, I have a math test and a bio test on Monday so clearly life is great right now. And while we're on the topic of school, I found out that I am getting 92% in English right now but to be honest I don't like it and I want it higher so I am going to do an extra credit assignment for students getting low marks but I'm just going to do it too (I talked to my teacher about it and he said yes even though he said 92% is already a really good mark but w/e) so if I do well on this assignment it would bring my mark up 1-3%. I'm aiming to get 95% this term. Heheh. Tryhard alerttttt.

Anyway, I'm volunteering for the gift wrapping booth at Oakridge Centre again this year (last year I volunteered there too for like 42 hours) and yeah. I signed up for so many shifts and last year I actually needed the hours for my leadership class but this year I'm already done all my hours and I'm doing this all for fun basically. It's because usually I help my mom wrap gifts during Christmas and I gets kind of depressing when I run out of gifts to wrap so I actually really love standing there all day wrapping gifts at the mall. I know I'm really sarcastic all the time but this I actually mean. Hahaha.

And I just realized that I never mentioned the Mellowhype concert. Well, MELLOWHYPE IS COMING TO VANCOUVER ON DECEMBER 14 DASfsfklfjDFJ:DdgfdgfdlgFDGJFDg RELEASE THE FUCKING BALLOONS AND CONFETTI BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN WAITING AGES FOR THEM TO COME SINCE LEFT BRAIN DIDNT COME TO THE CAMP FLOG GNAW CONCERT!!! But here's the bad news. It's fucking 19+. Like, what the fuck akdjdfgfd. I mean like other places that they're touring are all ages but why is it 19+ here!?! Is it the venue!??! Omfg I'm so sad though. When I saw Vancouver on their West Coast tour I almost pissed myself in excitement until I read the 19+ part. Ughhhhhhh. WHY. WHYYYYYYYY.

I gotta figure something out!! Like, I was thinking of borrowing someone's ID because I have no fucking clue where to get myself a fake ID (plus those are expensive af and I am a broke teenage girl who spends all her money on clothes and makeup). I asked some other people who I know from school who went to the Camp Flog Gnaw concert too but I don't think they're going since it's 19+. But one guy told me that it's pretty easy to get in with a fake ID or borrowed ID if you go with a group of people who are 19+. But first of all, I do not know a group of 19+ people who listen to Mellowhype. And secondly I'm scared that if I use my cousin's ID (I have yet to ask her but I think we look kinda similar) I'll get caught and I'll get her into shit and get her ID confiscated or something. Ughhhhhhhh everything would be all okay if it wasn't 19+ I swear. Now I will go cry.

lost but now i am found

Okay I know, Pantone stuff is like the craze or whatever right now (I admit, I even have a Pantone cup myself... but it was from a while ago I swear!!). But anyway, I came across these nails and they are so cute! So I decided to just post it on my blog as maybe inspiration. I doubt I'll ever actually do nails like this (I always tell myself I'll try to but I end up not bothering) so yeah.

candy

Okay LAST POST OF THE DAY I SWEAR. On the day of my individual Artona photo I got my makeup done at MAC and these are some stuff I purchased. Actually, that my mom bought for me. BUT SAME THING. ^_^

I got the Mineralize SkinFinish Natural powder which I loveeeee because it's so nice for touching up (except I wish it had a mirror on it...). I also got this brow set stuff which is basically a tube with a mascara-like wand and you just brush it onto your brows and it's good for if your eyebrows already has the shape, but you just want it darker/more filled in. Also, I got these lashes which I don't know what number they are and I'm too lazy to check but I asked the lady for eyelashes that aren't too dramatic (like the ones that look like curtains, shudder) but she gave me these really natural ones and I wish I got slightly more dramatic ones but yeah. I mean honestly the result of these lashes on, I could do with my own lashes and mascara. Sigh. But yeah.

I'm tired and I don't feel like typing anymore so yeah. Bye.

ARTONA, INDIVIDUAL PHOTO SESSION

So on Sunday I had my Artona individual photo session!

I'm kind of disappointed about the way my photos turned out though. I mean, some I really liked (like my sofa picture!!! *_*) and some were decent, but some I just absolutely hated. They took so few photos on my good side and so many photos on my bad side. Ugh. And now I'm kind of mad at myself for not speaking up. I should have asked them if I could take it the other way but I tend to stay quiet so yeah. And when I looked at the photos, the ones on my good side were okay, but the ones on my bad side were just so hideous. I wish I asked them for a retake. I mean, I think you can have one free retake, but I don't want to get my hair and makeup redone again. I should have asked if I could take the retakes on the same day but nope, I didn't say anything. Why. WHY. Ugh. But then again, I don't think they would have had enough time for retakes that day, considering they were already like half an hour behind schedule. I really want to retake my library shots because I looked ugly af but to be honest, the one I should retake is my yearbook one because although it looks decent, I'm not in love with it. Ya feel me? Haha. Like, it's not horrendous to the point where I looked at it and burst into tears, but it's also not something I would pick for my Facebook profile picture. Does that make sense? Hahaha. Like, it's DECENT. But I wanted a photo that I could look at and think like, wow I look nice in it. But bleh. I'll think about retakes when I can actually access my photos.

Anyway, PHOTO TIME!

Das me in the middle! ^_^ I wish I fixed my hair and separated the two sides a bit more but other than that I like my hair. Except for the face that there was a light right above me which is why my hair is like yellow. IT'S NOT ACTUALLY YELLOW. Okay.

While waiting to take the grad composite/photo for the yearbookkkkkk

I look high or something

Mean muggin... kind of

Normal pic hehe

OOH AND I LIKED MY HAIR HEHEH

Can't wait to view my photos and cry over how bad they are yayyyyyyyy. Okay byeyeye.

volleyball!

Wow I am so behind on my posts, so I'll just post stuff I was planning on posting in order right now.

So, my last volleyball season in my whole entire life is over. Well, chances that it is over is like 99%. We placed sixth in our lower mainlands tournament on Saturday and ugh. This is so depressing. We're most likely not going to provincials this year, considering the only way we'll get in is if enough teams drop out from it... which I doubt will happen. I mean, if one team does decide not to go, there's still other teams ahead of us who will get the spot first. So yeah.

I've been on the volleyball team since grade 8, so all of my high school years and wah. I'm actually going to really miss this. Back in grade 8 and grade 9, volleyball was mostly just for fun and everything for me since I thought I wasn't that good, but in grade 10, when we won the city championships and placed thirteenth in the province, I realized that maybe I'm not so bad at volleyball. Haha. I mean, I was never really confident about my volleyball playing at all before. I remember in grade 8, during the first tryout, there was about 60 or 70 girls who tried out and when the coach asked who participated in elementary school volleyball, almost everyone raised their hand except for me. The only reason why I tried out in grade 8 was to prove to my older sister that I can make it on the team because she was on the team in her grade and she said I probably would never make it on since you have to tryout but me, being all stubborn and headstrong and all, tried out and made it on the team and proved her wrong!!! Haha. I'm so glad I actually did participate in volleyball because I honestly can't imagine what I'd do without it. Life would be so boring. Well, first term would be so boring, since volleyball season only lasts about that long. I've been playing the power position (aka outside) every year and I remember back when I was in grade 8 I was so bad at hitting the volleyball that I tried to avoid it at all costs by setting or bumping the ball over the net whenever someone set the ball to me. Hahah. Now, hitting is one of my favourite things to do because when I get a good swing at the ball, I'm actually pretty good at hitting I think. ^_^

I think it's time for a throwback hehehe

GRADE 8!! Hahah omg this is so horrible. I'm the second girl (#4) to the right. I know, I look so different. I present to the world me and my hideous bangs that were too long. But anyway, in our bantam year we were second in the city. We lost in the finals against our rival team and yeah. This was so long ago, I barely remember this season at all to be honest. All I remember was that I was really bad at hitting the ball so every time I got set, I would just bump or set the ball over the net and my coach had to keep telling me to actually hit the ball.

Here's a badly stretched photo of the team in GRADE 9! I'm #4 again (in fact every year I've been #4). Oh god. Back when I thought my bangs looked nice. Oh god. My hair looks so short and ugly. Hahah. But I think in this year, we came in sixth in the city? Or was it eighth? I don't even remember, but I know that this season wasn't too good haha.

Okay wow I look so gross here but only because I just played a tough as fuck game okay!! GRADE 10! Hehe. We were the city champions!! I think this was probably my favourite season. We were undefeated the entire regular season and playoffs (until we were crushed in the provincials and got 13th place but um yeah...). We even beat our rivals twice this season haha, once during regular season and the next during the finals! I remember how fucking intense it was I remembered I played pretty fucking well and I actually almost served the ball out from the back line which is amazing to me because my serves are usually weak af. But yeah! I think I played the best this season hehe. Like, I was on the starting line-up and I was starting to get better at hitting and everything! Also, this was the season that I probably enjoyed the most because it seemed like everyone was just one big happy group ya know?

GRADE 11! Senior teaaammm. I remember in the beginning I actually had doubts that I was going to make the team at all and I didn't even want to go through with the tryouts but I did and I made it on! ^_^ To be honest though, this was the shittiest season I ever had. I mean like, this is probably the worst I ever played (I mean like, the worst I ever felt playing). Although everyone clicked and whatever, I kind of felt like I didn't fit in with everyone else. Plus some of the girls on the team seemed kind of bitchy toward me. Like, they felt like they were far more superior than me or something just because they were older and better at volleyball than me. I mean, a few of them were super nice, like genuinely nice. And then some others seemed really fake. And basically this entire season, I was benched. And eventually, I didn't even want to do volleyball anymore. Like, this season was where I kind of lost my passion. I started making up excuses to not go to practices and games because I just didn't even want to bother with it anymore. I didn't feel like wasting my time going to games at places like North Vancouver and whatever just to sit on the bench the entire time. At this point, I even questioned whether I even liked volleyball anymore. Plus, the coach, she was super nice and all, and I think she's a great PE teacher, but I didn't really like her as a coach. She basically paid no attention to me and another girl who were probably on the bottom of the team. It kind of seemed like she didn't want to bother with us because we weren't as good and she didn't even give us a chance. Like you see how I'm the only one not wearing kneepads in the picture? Well since I was always going on my knees instead of diving, she made me take off my kneepads mid-season. But then, she didn't even help me or run any drills with me to help me with my passing and digging and diving. Like, really? And at the end of the year, she gave everyone team photos with a message written on the back from her and her favourite players (the starting line-up ones who she pays so much fucking attention to) a huge message that basically filled up the whole back of the photo and mine was like 2 or 3 lines that meant nothing. This season was absolute shit to me.

GRADE 12!! We came in 3rd in the city this year!! But no medals sadly. Haha. This year was pretty fucking great. I was actually thinking about not joining the team at first because of how shitty my grade 11 volleyball season was but thank god joined, because this was one of the best, and funniest seasons I've had! I had a different coach this year, who I thought would be kind of scary at first because he's like this coach and whatever for a volleyball club (and he's a math teacher at my school) but he was so hilarious. Hahah. This season was probably my best hitting I think. Like, my hits were actually starting to go pretty and strong. Hehe. But my serving sucked, but I finally got my serves over at the end!! So yay. Oh and I was on the starting line-up hehe. ^_^ This season was so fun, we had so many good laughs on court and off. I actually enjoyed going to practices and games, and I couldn't wait to go to them. They were such good stress relievers. I don't know what else to say. I'm so glad that I ended my high school volleyball with this season, because this season was honestly just so amazing. It makes me so sad to think that volleyball is, well, over now. I wish the season could have lasted longer, and I wish we could've made it to provincials. But honestly this season was nothing like I thought it was going to be at first (like my grade 11 season...) and I really did enjoy myself. Wahh now I'm thinking about it and it's like... no more volleyball. Except for if I join club but I don't really want to because I think I'd feel pretty intimidated by the other girls who have been in club for years. But anyway, I'm really sad that this season is over. :'(

Anyway I'm tired of typing and I need to get ready for school now. Okay bye!

ARTONA, GROUP PHOTO SESSIONS

Alrighty, three Artona group photos done. Just my individual photo session to go, which is on Sunday! I had two group photos on Friday, and one yesterday. Here is a collective of both days.

Nov 9

 Me and my bff Christina hehe, we've been friends since we were 3 ^_^

Karman and me

 Karman, Kimmy, me, and Christina

 HAHAHAHAH we were being cool in the Bronx as usual

 I was like "wait let me do my fingers"

 Selfies

 More selfies HAHAHAH we're being cool aight

Selfies in the change room too. OKAY I'M DONE WITH THE SELFIES FOR NOW

Okay I have a lot more photos but on Facebook and I don't feel like posting them all so I selected a few. Hehe. It was so cold that day that day though ugh. We came a bit late but it was okay because they were behind anyway. And you can't take photos inside, like not even in the lobby/waiting area, so we had to go outside. Ohohoh and this dress is from BCBG Max Aria. Yeah.

Nov 11

 Here's the dress I bought from Forever 21!

 Layssa and I

 Photobombed.. hahah but I like how my legs look ^_^

 Layssa, Jaiun, and me

 SELFIE ^_^

Kelly and me

Selfiesss

Took some photos of my eye makeup when I came home hehe

To be honest I wasn't feeling the eye makeup yesterday. Sigh. I got it done at MAC, and I told the lady to base it off of this from Maryam Maquillage. I mean, it looked like it, but I didn't realize how shimmery it was going to be (but duh, the post did call it a shimmer eye) and I didn't realize how bad my eyes look with shimmer. Or, well, they look bad to me. Well, I liked the way the makeup looked with my eyes closed, but when my eyes were open I didn't like the way the shimmer was just so shimmery and made my eye shape look weird. Like, it made my eyes look really badly round? I don't know how to explain it. But in some photos, the makeup kind of made my double eyelids look like monolids to be honest. Oh well, the lady was just following the picture I showed her, but definitely next time for my individual, I AM NOT GOING SHIMMERY.

Now enough of my complaining about the makeup because I've got more complaining to do about this session. Yesterday's Artona group photo was with some girls in my volleyball team and some guys from the guy's team. Honestly this picture was kind of a disaster from the start. It began with arguing about the attire first. A few of us wanted to where dresses and be formal, but a couple others wanted to wear jerseys and be in full volleyball uniform. I wanted to be formal because it's Artona, and I'm not going to spend $10 on a photo of us in jerseys when we can just take a photo of us like that anytime. But a couple others wanted to wear jerseys because it was different and more unique or something. But seriously, I wasn't going to walk into a formal place like this in spandex shorts and a cheap jersey. So finally, they agreed to wear dresses, but then they wanted to do all black. I finally got what I wanted with the dresses vs jerseys thing, and I didn't want to cause more shit so I went and bought a new dress just for the photo. But then last minute some people were like saying that they still wanted to go more casual/in jerseys. Like, what? Um NO? That was like an hour before the appointment time, and I was in the middle of curling my hair and I had my makeup done already. I wasn't going to go in my jersey. So we stuck with formal. And then some guy didn't have a black dress shirt apparently and he wanted to do white, but this was hours before the photo, and I didn't want to change everything so we stuck with black. (To be honest though, when my friend came up with the idea of this group photo of us, we didn't include the guys.. we thought this was going to be a photo with the GIRLS who've been on the volleyball team together for these past 5 years..) And then when I got there, all the other people who are supposed to be in the photo were there already, but they seemed so cold toward me and anothe girl, who wanted be formal. I don't know, like they just kind of looked cold at us, except for a couple of them. Like, when I walked into the waiting area and I said hi to them, most of them just kind of looked at me, without really even saying hi back to acknowledging me. Um okay. And then when it was finally time to take our photos, they turned out so bad. Like, after taking the photos, we got to see the photos taken and choose, but all the pictures just had something bad about them. In 2 of the photos, half my face was covered by another person's head. Then in another photo, another girl's face was covered. Then in a standing photo, the positioning of everything was just so bad and looked so unprofessional, even though everyone individually looked good. And the lady who took our photos was rushing us to pick but it was so hard to pick because all the pictures had flaws. We wanted to retake the standing photo, except with better positioning, but she insisted that we had no time and was rushing us to pick. Finally, picked a decent one of all of us, except one girl was complaining about how she looked so bad in the photo. But yeah. This photo was, like, destined to be fucked up to begin with.

But yeah, that's about it. I'll post photos of my individual session when the time comes. Okay, bye.