15

Lately life has been pretty shitty. I can't believe it's already 2015. Typing 2015 out is so weird to me. I don't really text my friends as often anymore. I feel bad but sometimes I just read their texts and not reply for a while. I didn't really do anything on nye. I had to work 8 hours and by the end of it I was exhausted. A couple friends that I'm not that close with invited me out but I declined. I tried so hard to stay awake til midnight and I did and I fell asleep shortly after. I hope to actually do something for nye next year. I feel like so many people I know actually did something since we're all 19 now and legal. Maybe next year I will too.

Yesterday I went to the mall with my friend to buy boxed hair dye and then I helped her dye her hair. Speaking of hair I still haven't dyed mine. The last time I dyed it was back in april and my roots are so grown out now (but luckily my roots blend into the dyed part so it's not as noticeable). I miss the good feeling of freshly dyed roots. It makes you feel so much better about yourself tbh haha. I've been meaning to get my hair done at a salon for ages but I've been putting it off since the summer because I just can't imagine myself spending $300 on my hair but the only way I'm gonna achieve a light ash brown that I want is at a salon. But school's starting soon and I need to buy textbooks. I'm also buying a macbook air soon. I still haven't received my student loans. I don't know what I'm doing.

School is starting in a few days on jan 5. I'm really not looking forward to it. Actually that's a lie - I'm kind of excited, but I know as soon as I step foot into my first lecture I'm gonna anticipate the ending of the term. I'm actually excited for astronomy 102 though. Stars and galaxies. This is gonna be so much cooler than just the solar system (the one I took last term). I know that course is going to require a lot of work like the previous one but I'm still really excited about it. Physics I'm a bit nervous about but I'm sure I'll do fine since there is only one midterm (tybg!!!!!) and it's worth only 5%. The course I'm the most concerned about is math. Integral calculus. I failed it once already and I really have to do well this time around since they take the average of my marks. I tried reviewing derivatives this evening but I started procrastinating. The term hasn't even started yet and I'm already procrastinating. Math is one of those things that I just cannot do well in. I'm sure if I put a lot of hard work into it I'll do well, but I just cannot imagine myself excelling in math. I think it's probably my mindset that holds me back from doing well.

I know new years resolutions are so lame but here are a few I'm going to try to achieve this year!!!

• stop doubting myself- like about me and math!!! I'm going to start thinking positively about my math ability and work hard in that course and in turn I will hopefully get good results I can be proud of :-)
• become a healthier person!! I'm going to eat better and take better care of my body. I'm going to start jogging again because ever since I entered uni I've become a potato and gained a few pounds. I don't have a goal weight or anything in mind- I just hope to get back in shape and get the body back that I had (or an even better body than) in the summer right after I graduated high school!! Also drink more water!!!
• stop comparing myself to other ppl. I always compare myself to other girls in terms of appearance and my peers in terms of academic achievements which really brings down my self-esteem and I need to stop that and focus on bettering myself
• stay on top of my course material and keep everything organized!!! I'm always way way wayy behind in school and I always find myself cramming the night before exams. I'm going to develop better studying habits and actually put effort into my assignments and although I may not always be 100% on top of everything, I will put in effort to keep myself at the same pace as my lectures and also start going to office hours and getting help when I need it

I can't really think of more right now. I know that a lot of times people don't follow through with their resolutions but I know in my mind that mine are VERY much achievable. In fact I don't even want to consider them resolutions. I will try to make these things habits.

I hope yall had a lovely 2014 and if not then fuck 2014 it's in the past!!!! Happy new year bbs :-))