james all over me

The 'James All Over Me' tee!! I really really want to buy this wow I mean just look at it. Ahhhhhhhhhh

winter break update

Wow I really need to update this blog.

I don't remember when this was (probably sometime in the beginning of december or mid-december???) but I love clear skies because the sunset is so cute.

So on saturday dec 14 (after my very last final!!!) I went to my aunt's surprise party! It was pretty fun since family parties, especially with that side of the family, are always fun. Since there's a lot of people in my family, it also makes it really great. Of course, they went all out with like decorations, a "photobooth" area, candy, treats, games, prizes, etc. It's really cute to see all of my younger cousins running around and playing too.

The theme was pink and orange, so basically everything was centered around this theme. The food was like all sushi and japanese food (which I loved!!!!) and we had a bunch of games. They usually separate the games between the kids and adults (although some of the kids are like adults now lol) and for us kids we put a paper plate on our head and we had to draw a portrait of my aunt (whose surprise party it was). Mine turned out terribly haha. For the adults they also had to draw a portrait but they got into groups and each person was responsible for drawing a different facial feature. It ended up hilariously because one particular group had all of the unartistic people in it and the portrait they drew was so ugly that we all laughed for a good 10 minutes about it. There were other games too, and then finally we had cake and dessert and everything.

The next day I had work for the first time after almost a month (terrible I know) and I'm surprised by how many of the PLU codes I still remembered. Like at first I felt kind of rusty because I remembered my hand motions and stuff for the keys but I just couldn't remember which keys to click?? Haha but it came back to me really quickly and it was pretty cool to see my coworkers again after not seeing them for so long! A lot of them said they wondered where I went lol oops.

Then on monday dec 16 I went shopping with my friend Madalene!

We went back to our high school that day because I had to pick up a scholarship and it was such a weird feeling. It felt weird because walking into the school, it felt so normal like we go there even though we don't. I guess walking through that entrance for five years really makes that place familiar to you huh?? We also visited our guidance counsellor who we gossiped a bit with but he was busy that day so our gossip session was cut short. Then we headed to Metrotown. We were originally gonna take photos at the mall with santa but we ended up not doing it. We went to Sephora so I could buy Benefit Coralista blush (my new fave!!!) and there, we ran into our friend Karman so she joined us. We took sticky pics heheheh

Ok so the sticky pic machine at the arcade at metrotown made our eyes really scary and big and we couldn't make them normal and it was the only machine left so yeah. And I still don't have the sticky pics bc my friend still has them so these are just snapchats of them hehehe wow we're cool

Then the next day, here's the salad I made for brunch

I don't really remember what's in it but I think it was some salad mix that comes in those containers, boiled egg, avocado, fresh mint, and balsamic vinegar. I think.

The same day it was my work's christmas dinner!! Well, actually, they already had one but it was at a casino and so us minors couldn't go, so they held another smaller one which was just skating and then dinner at Earl's. I work with Madalene and Karman and we're like thugs and stuff so here's some pics we took at the rink

And here's one with Kimberly aka Kimbo who went to our high school too!!

And here are some pics of us not so ready??? Hahaahaha

I look like I'm puking hahaha but we all bursted out laughing and I just couldn't omg

Then afterwards we went to eat at Earl's and we all talked and ofc me, Madalene, and Karman (being the 3 retarded friends that we are) couldn't stop giggling and laughing the whole time hahaha but overall the dinner was really interesting and funny and we had some pretty funny conversations there!! Here's a selfie pic of us hehe

Then the next day I went shopping downtown by myself hehe. I bought some items from Topshop and Brandy Melville that I'll post in a winter break haul post soon. But ya here was my ootd

h&m sweater, talula jeans, tommy hilfiger coat, alexander wang bag

Oooh and do you see this Alexander Wang bag in my ootd??? It's my sister's but I'm so glad she lets me use it because it's so gorgeous. She got it used from ebay for I think around $400?? I even got a compliment on it that day. ^_^

And then the next day on thursday dec 19, I got my nails done!! I told myself I was gonna treat myself to a mani once my first term of uni was over so I finally did.

I was inspired by a pic I found online. This is just a white gel mani with gold studs on each finger. To be honest though it's been like a week since I got them done and already 5 studs fell off (I went back and got 3 new studs reattached but then 2 fell off later and I was just way too lazy to do anything about it so now I'm missing 2 ugh). I think I might just take it all off and get just a plain light pink gel mani but for now I'll just leave it. The studs right now are really scratched up and I guess the gold rubbed off so now some parts of them are silver?? Yeah idk but it's not very nice but it was really cute during like the first 2 days of the mani. I think they would've lasted longer if it wasn't for work since I'm a cashier at a grocery store so my hands go through a lot (they get REALLY dry too ugh).

On the same day, some friends and I had a Christmas potluck/get-together at one of my friend's house. We watched Cabin in the Woods and we had a ton of food (we couldn't finish it all haha).

How cool are we. Hahaha but it was really cool seeing everyone again, since a lot of them I hadn't seen since before uni started! We sat there and talked a lot together as a group and it was really nice catching up. It's so weird how I used to see these people every weekday at school but now we're all separated. It's actually a lot harder than I had originally thought to keep up friendships after graduating from high school especially when you and your friends all attend different universities and colleges.

Here are some cute cupcakes I came home to ^_^

The day after, I went shopping with my sister. I did a bit of christmas shopping since I hadn't done any yet and that's about it.

Then on the weekend I had work both days. I'm really glad that my shifts were during the evening because from what I heard, the store was really busy during the day. While I was working in the evening however it was so dead, so basically us cashiers just stood there and talked to each other when there were no customers.

On monday morning this was the day that I got some of the studs reattached to my nails haha. I also headed to the mall and quickly finished my christmas shopping since I had work in the evening. I had to work til closing at midnight (which I hadn't done in a long time). Once again the store was so dead and it was just really boring and the shift felt so long!!

On christmas eve I didn't really do much during the day at all. I just spent my time watching BBC's Life etc etc until the evening when it was my family christmas dinner on my mom's side. Both sides of my family are pretty big so there's always a lot of people. 

I don't think this photo does the tree and the decorations justice but there were so many gifts and presents that they couldn't all fit under the tree!! Family dinners on my mom's side are always fun and we played games, ate good food, talked, and it was a really nice time. And it's always nice seeing my little cousins because they're so cute and talkative!

On christmas day, I didn't do much either haha. I basically just lounged around until the evening when it was the christmas dinner on my dad's side. It's been like this for as long as I can remember: mom's side on christmas eve and dad's side on christmas day. My cousins on my dad's side are much older than I am and I don't really talk to them as much but this christmas party was held at my aunt and uncle's new house so it was different.

And then finally BOXING DAY!!! I went boxing day shopping with my friend Madalene. I'll post all my purchases in my winter break haul post with pics!! I went shopping downtown and the first store I headed to was my beloved Topshop!! The sale section there was so huge and overwhelming but I loved it. There was such a huge selection and most things were like 50% off and I was in heaven. There was just so much stuff that I sometimes forgot which racks and walls I had looked at already and which areas I hadn't. But wow. Unfortunately I didn't buy much though because I didn't want to spend too much so I narrowed it down to 2 sweaters and a skirt. The 2 sweaters were $30 each (originally $60 and $66) and the skirt was originally $50 and I got it for $25! We also went to La Senza and bought a bunch of sale undies which were 10 for $30 so she bought 6 and I bought 4 (since I had already bought a bunch last week). We also went to American Apparel and I bought the jungle print crop top for 20% off so I got it for $22. Oh and I got hand soaps from Bath and Body Works. And a new iphone case from H&M. OH and I got a really soft pink bathrobe from Forever 21!! It wasn't even on sale but seriously it's the item I was the most excited about because the bathrobe is so so so soft and it has a hood!!! Anyway I think that's all I bought and I calculated that in total I saved $75 so yay me. At the end of our shopping trip we went to Cafe Crepe and yeah (I was craving crepes)

And then today (well, yesterday since it's like 1am) I went to Safeway with my friends since we had to deal with our availabilities and stuff and yeah. We sat there and talked for a long time and yeah.

And this basically sums up my life for the past almost 2 weeks!! Yeah ok my hands and brain are tired now so bye.

P.S. my marks came out and I passed all my classes!!! I'm so shocked because I did a lot better than I had expected in a lot of my courses but next term I'm gonna work so much harder but yay I passed!!

untitled #12

I just got home after writing my last final exam...... AND NOW I'M FREE!! I'm done my first semester in university!! And honestly it sucked.

I think this one semester was worse than all five years of high school put together. I had never felt so shitty, stressed, hopeless, miserable, and dumb in my life. Omg and I'd never cried so much in my life. It was because I was so behind on all my courses (because I'm a lazy shit) and whenever there were exams (which was like very very often) I would be struggling to catch up and understand the course material and concepts and I was just so lost. My marks plummeted and I actually felt intellectually inferior to the rest of my peers. For the first time in my life I was failing exams. Considering I've never gotten lower than a B in my life, I just felt so hopeless. I think this was honestly one of the lowest moments in my life. Basically it was my fault and that's one of the things that made me feel the most shitty, like just knowing that there was no one else to blame but myself.

BUT I think I've learned my lesson now. At least I hope I have. I know I always tell myself that I will change my study habits and that I'll actually work really hard in school etc but this time I will really stick to it. During this past semester, this was the lowest I've ever felt in my entire life, and I don't want to feel this way ever again. And it seems fitting that since the new year is coming up soon that I make a new year's resolution. The next semester (if I don't get kicked out of UBC lol) I will work harder than I've ever worked in my entire life and not fall behind on my studies. I'm aiming to achieve much better grades so that I can improve my gpa, because after this past semester, my gpa is probably down the fucking drain. I know that I've already done a lot of damage to my transcript but there's nothing I can do about that now, besides work harder in the future.

This may sound really weird considering I literally JUST finished the winter semester, but now that I feel inspired to start fresh, I'm really eager to start the spring semester hahaha.

dream: drowning to death

Okay I haven't done a dream post in forever but I think this dream deserves one. This was kind of weird.

So I can't remember exactly where my dream started but the setting outside was really similar to my school/campus with like buildings and a lot of people walking by. I entered one building and it looked like the waiting area of Artona, the place where I took my graduation photos, and there were a lot of guys in suits and girls dressed formally. I didn't think much of this and I dismissed it because I just saw them as like business students or something. But then as I went to the back of the room and through a doorway, it lead me to this weird place with a bridge (the bridge had no walls on the side, just a long block to walk on single file. At the bottom was a pool, but it was quite a distance below. So I crossed the bridge, and there, there was a double wooden door which I also went through which lead outside. It led to the outside of a building at my school called the Irving K. Barber Learning Centre and we were at the side that kind of looks like a castle. Outside, I saw some familiar girls who were also headed in the same direction as me. As headed up the cement stairs to enter Irving, suddenly a crazy Asian man with very small eyes, bushy angry eyebrows, and a flushed red face with some scratches and bruising ran towards us from Irving, aiming for one girl in particular, recalling an incident that happened between the two that had to do with rape or something like that. He charged at her, and she ran back through the wooden doors and her two other friends tried to stop him. I too ran through the wooden door and as I was running along the bridge, I noticed that the bridge had two other bridges branching off of it in the middle headed in opposite directions. I was stupid and ran left, curious about where the bridge would go. I believe I slipped and fell into the pool. As I landed, I wasn't in my body anymore, and I was transported back outside to the place where I was in the very beginning. I remember I was wrapped in my duvet this time (as I always am at home lol) and I went back to the bridge area. I saw the blur of a body in the pool, so I dove in and swam down and I saw my dead body at the bottom. It was weird looking at myself like that. I tried to pull my dead self up to the surface, and went I touched the arm, it felt weird and rubbery and heavy and floppy, like that feeling where your arm is completely numb after  sleeping on it for a long time. When I got my body to the surface, I hoped that my dead self would start coughing up water and wake up, but I didn't. My body was motionless and still. I decided that it was too late, I was dead, and I let go, and my dead body slowly drifted back down to the bottom.

look at me like you care

I feel like I just haven't been posting enough!!!

Here is a pic while I was walking home today. PEEP MY DOCS. I can't believe I've had them since grade 10 yet I barely wear them. And I just realized that I haven't done any ootds in a long long long time. I've just been dressing so lazily and I swear I just wear the same things every day now which usually consist of a sweater, leggings, and docs or converse or vans. I just feel like they're not very photo worthy.

Anyway, this is the last week of classes!!! I'm so so happy because honestly uni is making me feel so anxious all the time. Honestly every time I go to the UBC Connect website and log on I just get this sick feeling in my stomach. I probably wouldn't feel this way had I been keeping up with everything in school but ugh. The sad thing is that with classes ending soon, that means finals are coming up!! I'm so so nervous, especially because I already did so bad on my midterms and finals are worth so much more so if I do bad, I will actually fail the course. My standards for my grades have dropped so low ever since entering uni. Throughout high school I had never ever gotten lower than a B. Now, I'm nearly failing all my classes. I'm mad at myself because I worked so hard to get here and now that I'm here I've fallen back into old habits and I've gotten so lazy to the point where I can't keep up with my studies and I've fallen so behind. I didn't realize that uni would be so tough but I really need to step up my game!!!

The only thing that makes me kind of happy to go to uni is this cute-ish guy who I see on the bus when I go to school almost every wed and fri. He dresses pretty nicely and we keep making eye contact and I've run into him downtown before too and on campus and idk. He's so short though lol but ANYWAY

Yesterday I went to the Central Library downtown to study for chem and I think I was sort of productively but at the same time I really need to manage my time a bit better. Like right now I should be working on my physics project but I'm not. And my English essay.

I swear, I'm surprised my hair hasn't turned gray from all this stress. I'm dreading the next 3 weeks so so so badly because that's when I have finals and I'm 100% sure that I am gonna break down and cry more than once. My chem final is in a little over a week (dec 5), my bio is a couple days after that (dec 7), my math is on dec 11, my english is on dec 12, and physics is dec 14. To be honest the one I am not looking forward to the most is physics because I honestly don't know anything. I feel so hopeless.

I think I'm gonna actually do some work now. I wish this stupid anxious scared feeling would go away though.

untitled #11

#nofilter because the sky was so pretty yesterday and the moon was cute too.

Now some not so cute news, on wednesday I had my last midterm which was chem and it went pretty badly. Literally all of my midterms during this second round of midterms went badly. The only result I got back so far is my physics which I failed. I'm pretty sure I failed all my other ones too. You know when you write an exam feeling okay going in and while you're writing it, you know nothing? That was me for basically all of my midterms. The worst part is my first midterms were pretty bad too because I didn't start studying as early as I should've, so I told myself that I would start studying earlier for the second midterms, and I didn't. I'm mad at myself because I should be working harder in school but instead I'm just so lazy and I never want to do anything. I mean I managed to get through high school with those study habits with a minimum B but clearly I can't do that anymore for uni. I'm also mad at the exams because all of them were so much longer and harder than the practice midterms and mock midterms they gave us. But mostly I'm just mad at myself. There are so many things I could be doing to improve, like actually doing all my homework and reviewing regularly and trying to understand and apply ALL the concepts but idk. Finals are coming up in the beginning of December so I guess maybe I should start studying now before I feel like shit again.

*chokes on a chill pill*

Summer throwback!!!!!! Oh how I miss the summer. I miss how hot the weather was, I miss wearing shorts everyday, I miss being skinnier (yea I think freshman 15 hit me), I miss being able to do whatever I wanted everyday, but most of all, I miss not having to worry about school and homework and studying for midterms every few weeks.

I'm so horrible at dealing with stress and I'm stupid because I make myself 194343435 more stressed than I could n should be because I can never do anything early and I leave everything until the last minute and I'm sleep deprived and I'm falling terribly behind in school.

WINTER BREAK COME FASTER JESUS