untitled #12

I just got home after writing my last final exam...... AND NOW I'M FREE!! I'm done my first semester in university!! And honestly it sucked.

I think this one semester was worse than all five years of high school put together. I had never felt so shitty, stressed, hopeless, miserable, and dumb in my life. Omg and I'd never cried so much in my life. It was because I was so behind on all my courses (because I'm a lazy shit) and whenever there were exams (which was like very very often) I would be struggling to catch up and understand the course material and concepts and I was just so lost. My marks plummeted and I actually felt intellectually inferior to the rest of my peers. For the first time in my life I was failing exams. Considering I've never gotten lower than a B in my life, I just felt so hopeless. I think this was honestly one of the lowest moments in my life. Basically it was my fault and that's one of the things that made me feel the most shitty, like just knowing that there was no one else to blame but myself.

BUT I think I've learned my lesson now. At least I hope I have. I know I always tell myself that I will change my study habits and that I'll actually work really hard in school etc but this time I will really stick to it. During this past semester, this was the lowest I've ever felt in my entire life, and I don't want to feel this way ever again. And it seems fitting that since the new year is coming up soon that I make a new year's resolution. The next semester (if I don't get kicked out of UBC lol) I will work harder than I've ever worked in my entire life and not fall behind on my studies. I'm aiming to achieve much better grades so that I can improve my gpa, because after this past semester, my gpa is probably down the fucking drain. I know that I've already done a lot of damage to my transcript but there's nothing I can do about that now, besides work harder in the future.

This may sound really weird considering I literally JUST finished the winter semester, but now that I feel inspired to start fresh, I'm really eager to start the spring semester hahaha.