I never curl my hair and I am, like, a complete amateur at it and this was probably my third or fourth attempt of curling my hair in my whole entire life sadly but I thought I'd like post this. ^_^
Anyway, my grad write-up is due on Tuesday which is 3 days away and I'm getting nervous because I still don't know what to write for it! Like, I want something short and simple but clever ya know? Ugh these grad write-ups are due way too soon, like it's October! Why do we have to get these in in October!? The school year started just a month or two ago...
And more about school! My marks are less than I was hoping for too at the moment. Like, the courses I'm using for university admission are English, Math, Biology, and either French or Chemistry. At the moment, I have absolutely no clue what I am getting in English and French as my teacher never posted our marks but based on our assignments for English so far I am getting a pretty good mark. In terms of percentage, my mark is in the 90s I'd say. French is probably an A but under 90 so that is less than satisfactory for me, considering it's French and I FUCKING NEED THIS TO BOOST UP MY AVERAGE FOR ADMISSION. And then Math isn't going so swell. My first test I got 81% and that is just fucking horrible. Biology I am getting 92 or 93 which is like the minimum average for university admission so I need to step my game up, like honestly. And then for Chem I'm getting barely an A. Fuck. If I don't get into UBC this is going to suck. A lot. And I'm going to get hell from my parents.
I'm just getting so stressed lately. Like, I'm actually considering going to my guidance counsellor and asking for advice on hope to cope with stress and how to stop procrastinate or at least minimize it. For so long I just pushed aside my habit of procrastinating and told myself that by the time I am in grade 12 I would know to work hard and stop slacking off. Well guess what? I'm in grade 12 and I'm. Still. Fucking. Procrastinating.
I know I talk about shit like this so much but I just really don't want high school to end. I just don't ever want to grow up. I don't want to become an adult. I don't want to take care of things myself and gain responsibility. In fact, I hate the feeling of responsibility. I think this is why I still haven't gotten my driver's license unlike a lot of people in my grade. I still haven't gotten my learner's, which most people got as soon as they turned 16. I guess I'm just pushing it all aside because it makes me feel like I'm growing up and maturing, which I do not want. Ugh.
Oh and also on October 25, I went to my first ever high school dance. Haha. I never went before because I'm not really the social event type of person, plus.. I CAN'T DANCE. But I decided just to go anyway because it's my last year of high school after all (sadly) so I thought I'd just make the best out of it and actually do stuff that I don't normally do. Like going to a school dance. Haha. I was really worried I was going to be, well, awkward. But to be honest, when I went, it was different from what I imagined it to be like... I mean, I don't know. There were less people than I expected. Also, basically everyone was in this huge tight group in front of the stage where the DJ was, who was just this guy in my grade. And, like, all the music they played was, well, house music which isn't really my thing so... But anyway, it wasn't that bad, but it's not exactly the most fun thing in the world... Haha.
And meanwhile on Facebook right now there is an epidemic of 'like for a tbh' statuses and I liked a few of them but honestly I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have because knowing how other people view me is something I worry about a lot. It's because as much as I can change myself, I can never change how other people think of me. And I mean, the 'tbh's that I received were pretty nice, but there was one that said that I think I am different from others and that I seem like I hate people and seem really opinionated. I mean, I've always tried to be unique but the way the person said it made it seem like... I try to be different? Like, I try HARD to be different? I mean, the person probably didn't intend it like that, but it made me feel like it was meant like that. And about how it seems like I hate people... I don't even know what to say about that. I mean, honestly, I am very opinionated but I never realized that I came across like I hate everyone. I think I'm just overcomplicating this whole thing. But still. I've just been thinking about this a lot lately. And I guess I'm writing this out here because I don't have anyone I can tell this too. I mean, I feel like if I talk about it, I would just sound so stupid.
Why the fuck do I always make things so complicated. Why do I have to think so much. Ugh.
Meanwhile, I'm very, very slowly reading '1984' by George Orwell. Very slowly. Like, a few pages a day slow. And speaking of this novel, one day my English teacher who is this pretty cool funny guy was wearing a t-shirt that was like '1984' themed with an eye on it and everything and when I went up to him to get a worksheet I told him that I was currently reading that novel and ever since then he's been smiling and saying hi to me in the halls. All righty then.
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