ok

I'm on my iPhone typing this right now so let's see how this goes haha. I'm supposed to be doing homework right now but to be honest I just don't feel like it. Actually, when do I ever feel like doing homework? But anyway, we had no school on Friday so it was a long weekend but I left my homework for last minute. I hate how I always do that ugh. I really need to work on time management and stuff but I just can't bring myself to. I mean I know I should be motivated since this is grade 12 and I really want to get into UBC but I'm kind of hopeless right now. I still have so much shit to do like actually finishing my UBC application and like applying for scholarships and ordering my grad photos but I just keep avoiding it. I think because those things basically signify me growing up and me having to graduate and leave high school and soon become an adult and I just don't want to. I know I say this all the time but I just don't want to grow up. I don't feel ready to. In fact, I can tell that I'm getting stressed out about this even when I'm not thinking about it because last last night I had a dream that the entire school year passed by and I was graduating from high school and I was so depressed and I kept thinking like, oh my god the school year passed by so fast. And I know it won't be THAT fast but I know that's how it'll feel once I actually reach that point in my life. I'm someone who hates change. I don' t like things to change drastically in my life and part of growing up is changing. I don't know why I am, like, dissecting my feelings and thoughts right now but I think this is just me avoiding homework again. I wish I could be one of those people so are excited to graduate and are ready to embrace life after high school but I for one am not. I think that's also why I've avoided getting my drivers license and a job, because those are associated with being more grown up. I should just shut up now because I sound so stupid and naive. I wish I could tell someone or ask someone how I could change my perspective on all of this but I know the only answer I will get is that this is all up to me or like part of growing up or some shit. You know what? I should go and so my homework now. Bye.