i cannot be trusted

A gif that basically describes how I was like this morning. Sigh. Today was the first day of summer school. I'm taking Chemistry 11 Completion and it really sucks. I woke up at 6:15 this morning because my summer school starts at 8 am but I wanted to get there at least 20 minutes earlier (just in case I couldn't find my class and I would be wandering around like a lost soul/ghost with nobody to talk to you know) and I take forever to get ready in the morning so yeah. When I say forever, I really actually mean forever. You know what? I'm going to summarize really quickly for you all the bad things that happened today, and then all the good. Okay? Okay:

Bad things that happened today

• my favourite liquid eyeliner ran out while I was applying it this morning
• I didn't have time to shave my legs so I couldn't wear shorts
• I didn't know anyone in my class
• my pretty blue pen ran out of ink while I was writing notes
• there's no cute guys in my class

Good things that happened today

• my mom picked me up so I didn't have to walk

Basically this was my sad day today. I can't believe my Dolly Wink eyeliner ran out. God. I didn't even have it for that long. Like, what, a month or two? Ugh. And during that time, I swear, I forgot how to apply gel liner so I kind of fucked up my eyeliner this morning. And I wanted to wear shorts but I forgot to shave my legs. I haven't shaved it in, like, a week, which is pretty gross, but considering how rainy it has been lately and how lazy I am, it was okay for the time being I think. But today the sky was blue as fuck and it was mildly warm. Sigh. I heard tomorrow is going to be hotter so hopefully I can wear shorts tomorrow. Yay. But seriously, to make matters worse, there weren't even any cute guys in my class! NONE! I mean, I had like no one to talk to today because, like, I knew nobody and I look like a bitch most of the time, except this one girl sat next to me so she's now my lab partner. But as I was saying, if there was at least ONE cute guy in my class, it would make the class much more bearable (and the upcoming six weeks more bearable too) and it wouldn't really matter that I have no friends because there would be a handsome body of hotness sitting in the room.

Today was already boring as fuck and this is only the easy introduction shit to Chemistry 11. Great. The next six weeks will be a fucking joy ride.

Anyway, today, I decided to google why I'm having some dreams that I've been having lately. So like, most of the time, my dreams are about being late or forgetting stuff and freaking out at school or something. In fact, a lot of my dreams have to do with school. It's sad, really. Like, my most recent one was just plain weird. I had to go to my calculus class but I was still in my french class trying to finish something up but I was already late for calc so I hurried to my calc class and my teacher said we'd be doing this assignment, but the rest of the class already left, and all of a sudden I was flying through the air riding a motorcycle and I could see the earth like as if I was looking at satellite images like it looked realistic-ish with clouds and everything. And so my teacher told me to meet the rest of the class at some small island off the west coast of Africa and so I found Africa but I couldn't find this stupid island and I was freaking out so I continued to fly and then I went lower and then I realized that I was flying over Australia so I descended more until I was at the rural town in Australia with farmland and stuff so I landed my motorcycle on this dirt road and continued my way down the road and I remember looking at really pretty glistening water. Yeah. I think this dream had to do with my brother talking loads about motorcycles recently and the fact that I fell asleep that night watching Earth From Space on Discovery Channel. My other late dreams aren't as retarded. Like, they're pretty realistic. Just me being late for class and forgetting what class I have or forgetting this really important assignment. But um apparently dreams about being late and stuff have to do with feeling unprepared/unready. You know what? I'll just quote something I read:

"To dream that you are late, denotes your fear of change and your ambivalence about seizing an opportunity. You may feel unready, unworthy, or unsupported in your current circumstances. Additionally, you may be overwhelmed or conflicted with decisions about your future. You feel time is running out and that you do not have time to accomplish all the things you want."

So yeah, I guess I am conflicted with decisions about my future. The future is just something I don't want to think about and I'd prefer to avoid but I know it'll come eventually. And I feel like time is running out. Well, time in high school. Time as a teenager. I feel like I've wasted so much of my adolescence not doing anything and now I wish I could take that time back and actually go out and accomplish things. Sigh. This totally goes back to this quote I really love:

"One day you're 17 and planning for someday. And then quietly, without you really noticing someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life."

Apparently it's from some season finale of One Tree Hill. But yeah. I should end this post now. I really have to get started on my summer school homework.

P.S. I'm going to label my sad summer school life posts as "summer bummer school diaries". Lovely.